It is used to intimidate, humiliate the other person in a subtle or direct manner (insults, yelling, criticisms, threats)
Its aim is to denigrate a person, their personal values (criticize, refuse to communicate, ignore the other, undermine, threaten)
Yhe form of violence that is the least reported. It is manifested by aggressions that are sexual in nature (sexual fondling, sexual harassment, forced sexual relations, sexual denigration)
Controlling the others' finances and / or monies designated for the household (controls finances, forces, obliges or forbids the other person to work)
Violent gestures used to affect another persons integrity (scratch, hit, push, hair pulling)
Consists in isolating the woman from her social network. On a collective plan, it rests on the fact of passing judgment on the woman's social image in humiliating her in the presence of others (accuses you of being unfaithful or of being gay. If you have friendships with women, interrogates you on your comings and goings and with whom you speak to. Forbids you to work, to study and to participate in any personal activities and forbids you to see your friends and your family).
A person may experience one or more of the above mentioned forms of violence to be a victim of violence.
I have an immense feeling of happiness when I remember the time that I took the decision to go to the Pavillon Marguerite de Champlain. It was at the age of 24 when I met the man, who introduced me to conjugal violence.
We had two children: a girl who was born with a serious, very rare, and incurable disease. She did not survive all the operations that she had to undergo. During that same overwhelming period, I learnt of the expected arrival of my son Sebastian. It was following his birth that our relationship really deteriorated. I went through a hell of verbal, psychological and physical abuse and others violence with him.
The day of my arrival at the Pavillon Marguerite de Champlain, was the beginning of a process that brought me towards deliverance. In hindsight, I realize that every step brought me a new awareness, and if at times it seemed arduous and difficult to make it, I am the living proof that it is enough to hope and to have willingness. With time, I gradually retook control of my life. The more I wanted, the more I realized to what extent these positive changes gave me the desire to continue in this direction. This difficult but delightful road to put our life in order.
I worked very hard to have the courage to be fulfilled, and I must mention that this process was possible with the help of the Center. Furthermore, I decided to continue to receive follow-up in external services.
There are no words to explain to you to what extent that I am proud of myself to feel free, serene and have peace of mind. I was able to find myself, I put things in order, and today, I know what I want and what I do not want in my life. The road is not a quiet river, but it is worth entering the whirlpool to come out stronger.
All that I feel like telling you, is to hold on, that happiness is not always as far away as you think, and in the end, it is really worth the try. There is nothing to lose, only freedom to gain.
I was married for forty years, we had nice years together and three nice children, whom I love a lot. For many years, my husband was very sick, and he became critical, complained a lot, never happy, jealous, and very controlling. I hardly had any money, and no friends left. He did not respect me and did not treat me as his wife, but as his maid who should do everything. There weren't anymore conversations between us, and we were no longer on the same page. He always had to be right and especially that I shouldn't disagree with him. I often thought of leaving him, but I used to say to myself, he is sick and needs me, he is not autonomous, and me, I am.
On that day in July, he pushed me pretty hard against the wall, and he lifted his fist, he did not hit me, but I was pretty scared. I made the decision to leave. Up until that day, he has been verbally violent, but never physical. I could not take it anymore and was exhausted. I contacted my daughter who supported me, encouraged and helped me to understand that I was not obligated to endure all this. Many members of my family, and my other children helped me through the proceedings.
At my arrival at the Pavillon, I was welcomed by the whole team and did not feel judged. I had a roof, a comfortable room, friendship and food. My first weeks, I was so helpless, so tired and empty. At the Center, I was able to relax, sleep in order to stop thinking, and this is what I needed the most. Throughout my stay, my worker was always available and there for me. She was a friend, a confidant, and if I needed advice or to talk, she was always there to help me. When she was not there, there was always someone available to listen to me.
Thanks to the meetings, I was able to understand what had happened in my life. The workers explained to me that violence is not an illness, but a behavior that I was not obligated to endure.
After these three months at the Pavillon, with all this baggage and this advice, I was able to recover, step by step. I can never thank you enough for all that you did for me. All this free devotion, I am profoundly grateful and will never forget the Pavillon and the staff that is so devoted.
Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.
For me, you were a significant help in many ways. This was a blessing in my life, and I really appreciate all the services that I received. I learned that I could express myself, and that I would no longer be denigrated, and was not obliged to endure such a thing.
I feel very lucky to have found a place to go, and this was amazing for me. My children were well structured, and given that it was summer, they felt as if they were at a summer camp and they really appreciated their stay. I am more aware at the different ways to educate my children. They have improved since being sheltered. They are calmer now, more cooperative and less stressed, and I see them laugh and play like before. We made lots of good friends.
I regained my dignity, my self-confidence, and I am now able to make my own decisions. Thank you for being who you are, and for always being available for me. It is reassuring to know that there are good people.
I became liberated and I took action. You were the anchor for me to re-take life in my hands. I learned to survive and to become independent again. Upon my arrival, I was overwhelmed and afraid, but at the shelter, I was secure, happy and free. I broke the cycle of conjugal violence, I am a survivor! I will be eternally thankful to you!
After a few years of marriage, I realized that my partner was very controlling and manipulative. When my eldest daughter was 7 years old, he decided that she would be educated at home. At the beginning, everything went very well; she was the only one of our children to study. With the responsibility of taking care of five little human beings, the situation changed and I found myself as if I was in jail, and completely isolated.
Two years ago, I decided to leave my partner with my five children and to go to a women's shelter in Montreal. One month later, I went back to live with him.
Following this, my husband prevented me from speaking on the phone, and I was not allowed to have any friends. Finally, I arrived at the Pavillon Marguerite de Champlain with my children.
I would like to thank my worker who was always present ! Also, I received a warm welcome from the other employees and the director who was very generous, and I especially cannot forget all the others who were there for us.
I suffered a lot; however, I now savor every peaceful moment that is offered to me. I hope that all oppressed women, throughout the world, will one day feel liberated and will be able to take full advantage of their lives.